We all wish that new employees had better soft skills. Employers agree that they can screen for the prerequisite technical knowledge. But soft skills, people skills, problem solving skills – those are tough. I know we agree because I have done research. You know because you see it every day.

You hired that promising new employee – Amanda. Her resume was a little light, but she was just starting out. Bit nervous in the interview but she’s young. Great academic record. Excellent grades, an award winner – you knew because she told you.

So what happened?

The first week involved orientation so she wasn’t very productive. When you assigned a task it got done although you always had to be very clear in your instructions. One time you found Amanda staring at a file. When you asked if there was a problem she said – I don’t know where to start. In your mind this was exactly the same task that she had done yesterday – but to be fair it was not exactly the same. So you looked at the task, decided what needed to be done and gave her very clear instructions. You suggested that the next time she “got stuck” she should ask someone.

After a couple of weeks you were pleased to see that Amanda’s work was being done. But her colleague. Mary, was getting cranky because she was being constantly interrupted to answer Amanda’s questions. You took the time to remind Mary that everyone had to learn. You told Mary to be patient.

Walking away from Mary’s desk you felt a warm glow of satisfaction. You were pleased with your management skills. You were so patient. You were a nurturing, guiding mentor. You knew that your protégé would bloom into a star employee.

As you settled into your office you thought back to when you started in the business. Your crusty boss – Mr. Williams – no first names in those days – wasn’t nurturing.

His favourite mantra was “sink or swim”.

One time you asked for some guidance and he looked at you, blew smoke in your direction and said – nothing. He just looked at you over the top of his glasses. After an uncomfortable silence you rephrased your question and asked if you should handle the situation in a certain way.

More smoke and silence.

You babbled a bit about the problem and how you didn’t know whether to do this, or this, or that.

And finally he said, “Looks like you’ve got a good handle on it!” And then he went back to reading a report.

The memory was crystal clear even though it happened forty years ago. You remembered how angry you felt when you left his office. How were you supposed to do things right if he wouldn’t tell you?

And then – after you took the bull by the horns and made a decision on how to proceed – he had the audacity to correct your work and offer suggestions for improvement. If he wanted it done that way why didn’t he just say so? And not a word of praise. The file had just shown up on your desk with notes on what needed to be changed.

Strange – you hadn’t thought about Mr. Williams in years. He was probably dead or drooling into his porridge in a long-term care facility by now. You never liked him.

But you had to admit you respected him.

You remember another conversation with him. You found the courage to complain that he always found flaws in your work and never gave a word of praise. He barely looked up from his work and said, “You know your work is getting better, don’t you? You think it’s perfect yet?”

“Good enough” was not part of his vocabulary.  Although there was always a point at which the file was complete – when it didn’t show up on your desk with notes for corrections. While no one came in and gave you a high five or even a note saying “good work” you knew you had completed the task. And one day, in a client meeting, you were surprised to hear Mr. Williams say, “I will leave you in this person’s capable hands. She is one of our best employees.”

You didn’t like Mr. Williams. You respected Mr. Williams. You learned, got better at your job and Mr. Williams noticed. But he never told you directly.

You felt justified in being prideful that you weren’t like that. You were liberal with your praise and careful with your criticism. So things were better now.

Or were they?